When your world gets turned upside down and everything you know and every way you do things just doesn't work anymore you have to adapt real fast!! I was always on the go, I ran a business, was starting another one, was parent council president, coached soccer, took up pottery, tennis, spent time with my kids and was always up for a night out or party! I loved all of it but there were lots of times that I would say yes to going somewhere, doing something or adding additional obligations to an already busy schedule. The months leading up to my diagnosis I was pushing myself so hard to just make it through all of my commitments. The fatigue of the unknown cancer had crept in to the point where I wasn't making it through the day. I was sitting at a doctor's appointment in tears telling them there is something majorly wrong, I didn't know what but I knew something. I was beyond exhausted. When life changes in seconds you have to learn the lessons that are being presented to you because they are there if you allow yourself to see them. The first big lesson was to say NO. No to my clients, fundraising events, meetings, friends, kids, everyone. I just couldn't do it. I actually had a fear of putting a stop to almost everything going on and turning the attention to me. Again with the support of the amazing women in my life they reassured me that there was no other option. I had to look after all of my needs first if I was going to fight what was ahead. I needed my sleep, to eat, be happy, feel relaxed, be honest in how I felt, and not push myself. I have never in my adult life put me as first priority and after doing that for the last 8 months I look back and think "WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING!!" Why have I not looked after myself and waited till this to do it. I mean at the beginning it was so foreign to say no but now I am like a pro! I know when schedules go back to normal and I go back to work there will be times I will have to again push myself through and say yes when I would rather say no but it will not be like before. I will make time for myself because I am a way better person because of it. I have had to say no on every level to my kids for days at a time. I have had days where just getting out of bed wasn't an option. I relied on them to get me something to eat, be quiet for the entire day and not even have them come in to my room and talk to me. And you know what, nothing bad has happen, actually the opposite. Daryn has come home from school and asked me what he can do to help, Sydney winterised the car and had it repaired with the help of my dad. They have stepped up in so many ways and are doing great because of it. The time we spend together is more enjoyable even if for that day its only 15 minutes. I am truly learning that listening to my body and assessing how I feel and what I can and can't do means I am in a better place. As health increases there will be more to do but I have made a promise to myself that I don't have to impress anyone, Giving a burnt out version of Amy is not worth it to anyone involved anyways. I can see times in my life where I should have said no and would have been better because of it. So if you are feeling at the end of your rope and it's just getting to be too much try saying no. Make some "you time" and don't feel bad for one second because the love you give will be that much more when you love yourself first!!!
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Amy WickendenMy journey as a Wicked Little Redhead. What life with cancer has taught me and how it has made me laugh! Archives
April 2017
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